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On the threat of plagiarizing Popeye, who’s a cartoon character and might’t sue me, I’m what I’m. I can’t say what I’m in well mannered firm, however I can say who I’m: a man no one ought to need to be as a result of, on most days, I don’t need to be myself.
However that hasn’t stopped some folks — I don’t know who they’re — from desirous to be me and attempting to perform such a doubtful feat by stealing my identification.
I could also be a mild-mannered reporter for a terrific metropolitan newspaper, however I don’t have a secret identification for the next causes:
(a) I can’t fly, which is an efficient factor as a result of I’m afraid of heights.
(b) I’m not sooner than a rushing bullet, besides once I’m dashing to the fridge for a beer.
(c) I don’t put on tights and a cape. Nicely, no less than not through the week. What I do on weekends is no one’s enterprise.
My actual identification is so pathetic that nobody in his proper thoughts ought to need to steal it. And if the perpetrator is caught, he may keep away from conviction by pleading madness.
Nonetheless, I’ve been the topic of some current hack makes an attempt on social media by people I can solely describe as — that’s proper! — hacks.
One claiming to be me requested my mates to grow to be his mates, which prompted me to subject the next warning: “I’ve been hacked. Why anyone would need to be me is an everlasting thriller. I don’t need to be myself, but it surely’s too late to do something about it. Anyway, don’t settle for a pal request from anybody purporting to be yours really. Sorry for the inconvenience.”
Jerry Zezima will do a studying from “One for the Ageless, Tips on how to Keep Younger and Immature Even If You are Actually Outdated” at Harry Bennett Department of Ferguson Library, 115 Vine Street, from 3-4:30 p.m. Wednesday, Dec. 7.
My sister Elizabeth responded: “I’m anxious to see if the brand new Jerry Z goes to pay your payments and care for your yard. During which case stolen identification pays!”
Daniel wrote: “That wasn’t you bare with a bowl of fruit in your head?”
I replied: “I ate the fruit. The remainder is true.”
Rick A. wrote: “You imply I ought to disregard the message that you simply’re holding $1,432,679 for me and all I’ve to do is ship you $2,000 as a great religion measure???”
Rick L. wrote: “Can’t think about you had that many mates to start with.”
Extra not too long ago, there was one other try to bamboozle mates who have been already my mates into changing into my mates once more. The message learn: “Jerry Xezima despatched you a pal request.”
I instantly posted this warning: “X marks the spot the place I’ve been hacked by somebody claiming to be Jerry Xezima. It’s not me (why anybody would need to be, I don’t know), so please don’t settle for the pal request.”
This sparked a volley of responses.
Jim: “I believe Jerry Zezima has been hacked, or else he’s the brand new premier of China.”
Dan: “I bought that, and one from Jerry Eczema, however I believe a cream makes that one go away.”
Robin L.: “That wasn’t you messaging me about my automotive insurance coverage?”
The worst a part of this complete factor has been attempting to show I’m me. That’s what I needed to do for the IRS on an internet site referred to as ID.me, an internet identification community that enables folks to show they’re who they are saying they’re.
I wanted my Social Safety card, my driver’s license and my cable invoice. Then I had to decide on a brand new password as a result of I forgot my previous password, one among roughly 150 passwords I’ve simply so I can show I’m, for higher or for worse, Jerry Zezima.
Subsequent I needed to go on a video name and be interviewed by a “convention host” who was not, after all, recognized. After that, I needed to take a selfie for facial recognition.
Lastly, I wanted a “verification associate.” I selected my spouse, Sue, who verified my identification and added, “Imagine me, there’s nobody else like him.”
Do not forget that the subsequent time you get a pal request.
Stamford native Jerry Zezima writes a humor column for Tribune Information Service and is the writer of six books. His newest is “One for the Ageless: Tips on how to Keep Younger and Immature Even If You’re Actually Outdated.” E mail: JerryZ111@optonline.internet. Weblog: jerryzezima.blogspot.com.
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